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Latest blog posts from Luggage Tuesdays

Holidays 2010: Daylight Savings Checklist
Wristwatch: Manually adjusted. Cell phone: Automatically updated. Kitchen radio: Manually adjusted. Toaster: Funny, don't remember the toaster having a clock before. Microwave: Manually adjusted. Coffeemaker: Fucking coffeemaker, work, damn you. Bedroom radio: Manually adjusted. Sega...
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Published 5 days ago

Mnemonic Devices
All Bad Children Don't Ever Fuel Genuine Hollow Innovation, Just Kinda Like Mundane Nothingness, Ordinary Pap, Quizzical Really, Since Toddlers Utilize Very Weird "Xtreme" Yearnings, ZOMG. [The Alphabet] 1 Potato, 3 Potato, 5 Potato, 7. [Single-Digit Prime Numbers] Tell Girls Stuff, Just...
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Published 2 weeks ago

Mathematical Bar Jokes
Y=1/X is having a drink at the bar, when X=0 approaches and says, "Hey, how about you and me get together?" And Y=1/X says, "Never." A drunk 43 has been sitting at the bar all day, harassing everyone. 43 turns to the bartender and says, "Make me a double." Bartender says, "That's it. You're...
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Published 2 weeks ago

Salad Jokes 2010: Mushroom Jokes
File Under: Salad Jokes See also: Salad Bar Jokes  Mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." Mushroom says, "But I'm a 'fun guy.'" Bartender says, "I just said we don't serve fungi." Mushroom says, "No, no, not 'fungi,' 'fun guy.' I made a pun." Bartender says,...
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Published 3 weeks ago

Contest Results
Yuks of Canucks (November 2009) We presented a photo college of famous personalities and asked, "Find all the funny Canadians." The solution was Catherine O'Hara, located above Jim Carrey, below Michael J. Fox, and in between Rich Hall and the cast of "Kids in the Hall." Out of 1,600 correct...
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Published 3 weeks ago

Retraction from Friend's Roommate's Girlfriend's Aunt's Co-Worker's Hair-Dresser
We apologize for a miscommunication regarding the retelling of an incident about the pet cat of a friend's roommate's girlfriend's aunt's co-worker's hair-dresser. While it was true the cat was soaking wet from the rain, the cat was dried off with a towel and not in the microwave, as reported....
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Published a month ago

Things To Do 02/01/10
Sincerely brush teeth. Update holiday display. Switch baby Jesus with baby cupid. Come up with new catchphrase, like "Snap to it." Buy sneakers that tweet runtime jogging and running stats. Tweet stats to friends. Rediscover fire. Reinvent the wheel. Rediscovent the fire wheel. Complete...
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Published 2 months ago

Myths About Relaxation
Myth: Mantras are phrases repeated to align oneself with the universe. Reality: Mantras are phrases repeated to free adjacent seats on the bus. Myth: A popular way to relax is to take a bath. Reality: Only Europeans take baths. Myth: To help your loved one relax, you should hide their...
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Published 3 months ago

Plug: 2009: My Year Hating Freedom
As we celebrate the new year, I want to thank you for supporting Luggage Tuesdays. I've also been writing for freedomhaters.org, a very funny topical humor site from Scott Calonico and Harmon Leon. Fans of salad jokes may enjoy these nacho jokes from 2009: Nacho Resolutions for 2010 How to...
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Published 3 months ago

Things to Say to a Zombie
ZOINKS! Z-Z-Z-Z-ZOMBIES! More zombies! How ironic (spoken in shopping malls only). Funny, I was just reading about zombies on the internet. You know if you kill me, I'll come back and kick your ass. Hey man, I haven't seen you since the accident. Are you a fast zombie or a slow zombie?...
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Published 3 months ago

Things Zombies Say to You
ERRRRGHGHGGGGGHHH! NNNNNNNNNNNNN! S'UPPPPPPPPPP?
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Published 3 months ago

Solutions to Popular Puzzle Fads
Focus on matching corners before solving one side of the cube. Yell words at pantomimer until you guess the charade. Dance to the rhythm of the music and not just the arrows on the screen. Waldo's by the blue car near the church. The two vertical lines are identical and are of equal...
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Published 3 months ago