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Latest blog posts from Working The Borderline

Resolving The Resolvable
My New Year resolutions always take the form of fears that need to be overcome. This year it's simple 1) overcome my fear of people, 2) overcome my intense claustrophobia, and 3) overcome myself to make music.It seems that to do all of the above, I first need to redeem myself in the eyes of...
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Published 11 months ago

Wearing The Genes
One of the things I think many of us struggle with, but not many of us will accept, is the notion of weak-mindedness. That we, as people with mental health disorders, are quite simply inferior to those of sound mind, and especially those of sound body and mind. Not many of us will admit to this...
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Published 11 months ago

Fearing The Worst
Jeez, I really should update this blog more. I get so pissed off with it, and pissed off about how I come across. But I am well aware that there are people with similar disorders who are reading this, and there is kind of an obligation, once you've started a blog like this, to follow it through....
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Published 12 months ago

Facing The Front
Right then, time I faced this blog again. I've probably lost the handful of readers that I had, apologies that I've not been keeping up.The hospital thing didn't happen. The only hospital within walking distance couldn't help me, and the only hospital that could help me would have meant getting...
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Published a year ago

Checking In
Tomorrow I'm going to check myself into hospital. I need to, my chemical balance is all wrong and I'm a nervous wreck right now. I can't move confidently around my mind any more, I'm having to settle in one key and accept the restrictions and consequences imposed. I'm trying so hard to surrender...
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Published a year ago

On Self-Consciousness
I went to see my doctor this evening as I have some referral forms I need her to sign. But the self-consciousness and anxiety are so bad, I had to turn back and head for home. There was a big queue and no place to sit, but that's an excuse and I know it. I left because I was too self-conscious,...
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Published a year ago

Surrendering The Initiative
Hmmm, well...bit of a backward step compared with the previous 2 posts. I've still been adopting the surrender mentality, but it didn't work so well today. I walked into town as I couldn't face the bus, and once there I felt so lost and confused. Surrender is all very well and has many virtues,...
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Published a year ago

Witholding The Tears
Had a good talk with an advisor yesterday, who I initially went to see for advice on my housing and financial situation. The anxiety attacks got cripplingly bad, so much so that there were several occasions where I had to stop speaking, as the anxiety had taken over my mind and compelled me to...
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Published a year ago

Repeating The Mantra
Now I've written about this before, but it's worth repeating so I'll write it again. It follows on from the previous post about anxiety, but is more geared towards those of us with actual personality disorders whose disorder and fragmentation becomes heightened and exaggerated in states of...
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Published a year ago

Fearing The Worst
It's the anxiety that's crippling me. The depression I can live with, the fragmented mind I can live with, the solitude I can find ways of living with. But not the anxiety. I'm hardly getting things done these days because the anxiety puts me off doing them. I'm FINALLY going to shave my head...
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Published a year ago

Catching The Drift
So today I'm on one of those "right, I'm gonna get over myself and STAY over myself" missions. Been here so many times before, but somehow I never seem to make it stick. A lack of discipline? A lack of self-control? There's possibly an element of that, but I think the main reason is that whenever...
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Published a year ago

Befriending The Unbefriendable
Hmmm, not been "working the borderline" much of late, as I've had my mind on other things. But there comes a time where we must forget all of the distractions and concentrate on what's really important.I have a problem: I need to find somewhere new to live; however I'm currently unable to do it...
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Published a year ago